Understanding Grief
A gentle guide to loss, longing, and the ways we learn to live again.
What Is Grief?
Grief is the natural, human response to losing someone or something that mattered. It isn’t a problem to solve or a set of stages to complete. It’s a landscape we learn to walk through, slowly, unevenly, and in our own time.
Grief touches every part of us: our emotions, our bodies, our relationships, our sense of identity. It can feel like love with nowhere to go, or like the world has shifted in ways we didn’t choose and can’t yet understand.
There is no “right” way to grieve. There is only your way.
A Metaphor: The Tide That Moves at Its Own Pace
Grief is like the tide. Sometimes it pulls back and you can breathe again. Sometimes it rushes in without warning, knocking you off your feet. Sometimes it’s gentle. Sometimes it’s wild. But it is always moving. This metaphor helps us remember that grief isn’t linear or predictable — and that its intensity doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong.
How Grief Shows Up
Emotional Experiences
- Sadness, longing, yearning
- Anger or irritability
- Guilt or regret
- Numbness or disbelief
- Moments of unexpected joy or relief
Physical Experiences
- Fatigue
- Tightness in the chest or throat
- Changes in appetite or sleep
- Restlessness or heaviness
Cognitive Experiences
- Difficulty concentrating
- Forgetfulness
- Feeling disoriented or “not yourself”
Relational Experiences
- Pulling closer to some people
- Feeling distant from others
- Needing more support, or more space
What Grief Needs
- T be witnessed, tended to, and given room to breathe.
- Time, not to “get over it,” but to integrate the loss.
- Compassion, especially on the days that feel heavy.
- Rituals: small acts that honour what or who was lost.
- Connection with people who can sit with your truth.
- Permission to feel what you feel, without judgement.
Continuing Bonds
Modern grief research shows that healing isn’t about letting go; it’s about finding new ways to stay connected. This might look like:
- Speaking their name
- Keeping a ritual
- Holding a memory close
- Living in a way that honours what mattered
Grief softens not because we forget, but because we learn how to carry the love differently.
Reflection Prompts
- What has grief changed in you?
- What moments or memories feel most alive right now?
- What helps you feel connected to what you’ve lost?
- What do you need more of — or less of — as you move through this?
A Gentle Note
Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of love. And love, even in its most painful forms, deserves tenderness.
The Landscape of Loss
Stages and Models of Grief
01
The Dual Process Model
Oscillating between loss-orientation (confronting the grief) and restoration-orientation (adjusting to a changed life), allowing for a natural rhythm of coping.
02
Tonkin’s Model
The idea that grief doesn’t shrink over time, but rather life grows around it. You don’t ‘move on’ from grief, you expand your capacity to live with it.
03
Continuing Bonds
Focusing on maintaining a healthy, ongoing connection with the deceased through memory and personal practice, rather than seeking detachment.